those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
