Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
