who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
