someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
how drunk are you?
Several
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
