i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a search helicopter?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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