too bad you live with your parents still
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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