Already got asked if we're dating
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
pray to the hookup gods
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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