WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
