lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
