pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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