I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
