I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize