Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
