I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
