And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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