Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I supernannyed him into submission
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
