That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
