Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
