You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
