Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING