i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
