already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
