thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize