I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
