we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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