ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When are your genitals available?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
