my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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