He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
