I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
