Your face is a jimmy john
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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