When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
