Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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