i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
