i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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