I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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