I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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