I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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