My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God, I missed his penis.
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