Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
