i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
