I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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