apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
