Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize