so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
