He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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