Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
