dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
