could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
