so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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