He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
worst night to have a conscience
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
