Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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