I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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