So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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