My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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