naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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