I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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