Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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