Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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