Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
