Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
