I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
